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A cooking puzzle of sorts.

You've got a frozen pizza, but no oven or grill. There are two gas rings and a microwave, and the usual kitchen utensils and cookware.

What will you do? (And no, there's no money to cheat and order pizza for delivery =:)

Comments screened, so there's no peeking at anyone's answers just yet. ^_^

[Edit: screening off, all comments revealed!]
Seeing as I'm lazy, I'd just toss the pizza in the microwave. I also don't care too much about pizza quality (I ate over half of one of the horrid pizzas the hotel provided MFM with this year).
"Over half of one".. oh, you make it sound so good! ^_^; What was wrong with them? Just very bland, or soggy base.. ?
They started with a crust of cardboard, topped with some too sweet sauce, and then topped it with tasteless cheese and toppings.
I'd just microwave it. I used to do that sort of thing before I was old enough to use the gas stove :)
Given that it doesn't say anywhere what the objective is, I'll just leave the pizza out for a while until it's not frozen anymore, then roll it up and eat it as a wrap.

(I've actually done that in the past; it works quite well, depending on the kind of pizza you're trying it with.)
Oo.. interesting idea. It might not have worked well with the one in question, as it was a thick base, but that does sound like an easy way to a tasty sandwich. (Well, depending how good the pizza was to begin with, of course. Some are more miserly than others with the toppings and the quality of the mozzarella)
*noddles* Yeah, it has to be a good one, and a thin base/crust will help, too. :) I personally like this one lot, and it lends itself quite well to preparing (if you can call it that) this way, too - and it's even quite tasty. :)
Ooh, chicken! I'd probably feel obliged to add bacon and mushrooms (either just the common white/chestnut ones, or shiitake - I'm quite fond of the latter. Oddly, I never used to like mushrooms until I was about 12, and then realised how good they were on a pizza. Yet, I'd always liked cream of mushroom soup.. go figure =:), and maybe some kind of mild pepperiness, like a sprinkling of chili powder, or a dash of good hot sauce. (Mm, such useful stuff. A few drops of Dave's Insanity Special Reserve in a pot of water for pasta works wonders - the pasta takes up the heat very well, enlivening even the most modest of fillings, rather than leaving all the work up to the sauce)
Mushrooms are nice, yes. ^.^ But the chicken pizza is also quite nice without them - if you're ever in Germany, you'll have to try it. :)
And then there's Akira's method, down at the bottom.. :-9
*looks and chuckles* Ah, yes, that's good too. ^^
One could make a sort of impromptu oven by building an aluminum foil tent over the gas rings, and using a meat thermometer to monitor the temperature. That should work.
Is it a micropizza? In that case, bung it in the Microwave. =:P

... if it was a pizza meant for the oven, I'd shoot myself for buying the ruddy thing in the first place if I couldn't use it!
Nope, this was a deep pan oven beastie. ^_^ The snag being that we discovered the oven at the old place is about 1" too wide for the space in the current (new) kitchen. :-P So we're having to leave it behind and pick up a new (if only!) one. No great loss, but irksome nonetheless. For now, it's just the microwave (all hail the mighty magnetron) and a camping stove with two rings and a decorative grill. (As in, about large enough for one and a half slices of toast, assuming you didn't mind waiting 15 mins for it)
Put the pizza on a flat metal surface like a cookie sheet or something. Turn the gas ring on high and start cooking. Just beware to use thongs to keep the heat away from your fingers.
I'm out of my league, since I don't normally eat frozen pizzas, but I'll take a stab at it. ;)

Do I have a pot with a thick bottom and a domed lid? How about a cooling rack? For me, this is normal cookware; I've got these in my kitchen.

Place the pot on the burner. Place the cooling rack across the mouth of the pot. Put the (counter-thawed) pizza on the rack. Then put the lid over the pizza (hence the importance of a domed lid). Use medium heat to turn the pot into an oven.

If you have dried beans, put those into the bottom of the pot. They'll absorb and redistribute the heat much better than the metal bottom of the pot. (And will also allow you to use a higher heat setting without risking damage to the pot itself.)

Alternate pots arrangements also work (including terracotta pots from the garden shed).
I'd make a hotplate over the two gas rings by balancing a cookie tray bottom-side-up several inches over the elements using other kitchen utensils(ie mugs at the corners?), and cook the 'za on that, turning at least once to get an even cook. You won't get any browning of the cheese and the crust won't be crisp, though.

If you've got a cooling rack, you could put that atop the cookie sheet. Then you'd at least get a crisp crust. And you could brown the cheese a bit with a propane torch. :)

I'm assuming the pizza's too big for the microwave..

(During the last major blackout in Toronto, I woke up, staggered to the kitchen, smashed the coffee-beans into grounds with a hammer and a few ziplock bags, crushed the bits with a rolling pin, then dropped them into a stainless steel measuring cup filled with water: put the cup on a cooling rack resting atop a few hardcover books, with four tea lights in the hollow beneath. Took it off when it started boiling, let steep a while, strained into a mug and drank. Not.. ideal.. but it enough, and satisfying. (anything is better than no coffee...) I mention this to point out how impressed I was at the heat output of the humble tea-light: I've got a sealed tray with 4X8 of them slotted in place now, ready should I need to roast something during future power losses.
First, I'd ask fursthatcook. Then I'd probably try loosly covering it in foil and heating an oven tray on the hob.
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Let the pizza defrost then cut the pizza into quarters, try pan frying one on the gas rings in a large skillet then try seenig if you can nuke the other pieces in the microwave.
I've done this with a pizza once :) Microwave until part cooked, then place on a baking sheet or tray over the gas rings and cook like a pan pizza.
Hmm... if the pizza hasn't a too thick crust, I think I'd try the following:
Defreeze first the pizza on the microwave and then use a big frypan, with something to cover it, and use low heat to make the cheese melt and the crust to become crispy.

That's more or less what I wound up doing, but uncovered. If I need to do that again, I'd probably slice the pizza into quarters first, though, as once it was defrosted (using the microwave), the base wasn't in any mood to just slide off the plate. I managed, though, using two large metal spatulas (spatulae? It's been years since I took Latin =:), to get it into a pan that was just the right size, and left it on a low heat for 20 mins, then popped it back into the microwave to heat the toppings again. Covering would probably be better, yes.
Get a pizza pan, turn on the gas oven, and attempt to cook pizza over gas flame? Oh, wait, no oven. Wait, whazza "gas ring" then?
You're on the right track. ^_^

The power of gas.

It actually turned out quite well, but as some others noted, covering it would probably have given superior results - as it was, I finished it off with a quick spell in the microwave again, to get the toppings hot.

I'd thaw the pizza in the 'wave. Then try to brown things up with the gas. (or a torch)
cut pizza into servings, nuke till defrosted, (about) a minute per slice.

Get a cookie sheet and lay it over the two burners. Spray cookie sheet with pam, or lightly coat with oil. place pizza on cookie sheet, cover with alumium foil sealing as best you can and turn both burners on low. Cook for about 20 minutes, checking until done.
I toss it in the microwave, like I do with all the frozen pizzas I buy.
You need someone to cook for you. ^_^
*crunch crunch crunch*
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If your microwave has a grill function you use that ( I once had to wait 6 months for my oven to get repaired, i've done it, only you get a circle of uncooked pizza in the center) or pop round to a neighbour and ask them to cook it for you
Gas rings??
They're a mass of incandescent gas.
Ah, stove burners. Never heard them called 'gas rings' before...
Hmmm. It honestly depends on the size of the pizza, but... given the usual kitchen utensils and cookware... take out the dishrack, flip it upsidedown so it's above the gas ring(s), lay on aluminum foil, and tun the two gas ring(s) as high as possible without burning the dishrack... well, I guess the aluminum foil may be unnecessary (and it'd be crispier) if you wash the dishrack... It may help to build a "tent" of foil over the entire contraption... o.O but possibly a waste of foil.

Alternatively, cut up pizza, microwave to defrost/cook until hot, then pan-fry with a bit of olive oil and herbs. Garlic, mayhaps...
I'd put the frozen pizza in a pan and rub two wooden spoons together over them to make a fire. :)
Sob, and probably warm it with my body heat and eat it cold and uncooked.
It would go beautifully with this, ne?
That reminds me of Dave from The Full Monty: how he wraps himself with cling film to lose weight, then eats a Mars bar.

Or Homer Simpson sobbing while eating Pinchy, his pet lobster.
You know, I've still yet to see TFM. ^_^; Does it come with the Akira Brand Seal of Approval?

Pinchy! Oh, poor Pinchy. ^_^

There aren't enough lobster anthros, I say. Only two come to mind, really - one of Joe Rosales' Wildlifers, whose name I forget, and one quite cool photomanipulation Silver Fish came up with a couple years back:

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

Which Wildlifer would you be? I think I'd be best as Musky. ^_^
TFM certainly does have my endorsement.

Homer: [eating, crying] Oh, man, that's good. [sob] Pass the butter.

Bart: Are you gonna eat that all by yourself?

Homer: Uh-huh. Pinchy would've wanted it this way. My dear, sweet Pinchy. [takes a bite] No more pain where you are now, boy. [rips him in half and sucks out the meat inside] Oh, God, that's tasty! I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy this. [takes more bites] Oh, Pinchy ...

Fun. *lobster click*

I've actually not read any Wildlifers.
I would attempt to heat the pizza in the microwave, but I know someone who heated the pizza in the microwave *and* used the ring to make cream of mushroom soup and served the soup over the pizza o_o She said it was really good, and only verified her claim that cream of mushroom soup goes with everything...
Oooh.. I may just have to try that. I'm quite a mushroom fan (I've always loved cream of mushroom soup, but I couldn't stand mushrooms themselves until I was 12 =:), so whatever it's like, it couldn't really be bad. (File under "famous last words"..)
1. Allow it to thaw over the gas, perhaps even turning it to full and quickly searing the surface before the cheese falls onto the unit.

2. When malleable, roll into a log and stuff it into the microwave, where it will be cooked.

3. Take the fucker out and either smoke it, or eat it like a big edible cock.

That's how I'd do it anyway.
Damn you! Now I'll never be able to look at a pizza the same way again. ^_^

Maybe you could send that in as a serving suggestion?
Huzzah! My work here is done. Though I'd have thought pizza (anything, for that matter) and cock would have been concurrent for you anyway. ^_^

Gives a whole new meaning to "What do you want on your Tombstone?"